The accident

Today is April 23rd, and i wake up to a normal day. I have to run Sarah to work then stop at walmart to get a few things. I remember feeling tired, and aggravated that morning. But nothing outside of what I chalk up to morning moodiness. I grab something to drink, my normal coffee. throw on some cloths and decide that I am going to get a few things at the store after dropping Sarah off. I load grace into the care and settle into some google reader in the passenger side seat. Nothing out of the normal. I feel OK that day. I took my Lexapro before I left the house, had my coffee and nothing that I am aware of is outside of my normal morning routine.

After dropping Sarah off I head to Walmart, I cruise through picking up things that I think I need, vitamin water. Some stuff for the baby. Stuff for bagged lunch for work. The whole time little Grace is with me and smiling from her car seat in the shopping cart. What a little angel i remember thinking to myself. I remember it is sunny that morning. And warm, and I am looking forward to my day off with my baby girl. Grace is in a good mood, smiling. And so am I I remember talking to her the whole time as I am walking around the Walmart in Streetsboro.

I load the stuff into the car, and pull out of the Walmart parking lot. pull out of the lot and head right. A wrong turn out of the lot. And i realize after about 15 minutes of driving that I have gone 20 miles or so in the wrong direction. I get off two exits before Sarah's work and head back in the other direction. I remember thinking that this is weird. But I decide that the radio must have been distracting me and that I must have been focused more on that than driving. I turn around and get back on east bound on the freeway, and chalk it up to one of my ditsy moments.

I am driving now, around 60mph. Just slightly under the speed limit, and that is normal for me. I am always over cautious with the baby in the car. No cars behind me, and a semi in front of me, that appears to be going the same speed as me... I approach the 480 / 80 bridge and pass it, still behind the semi..

LIGHTS OUT

The first thing I say is a one question, "am I dead?"

My hands are in front of me, on a steering wheel. The airbag has gone off, and blood is running down my hands.. Am I dead? A smell... burning, something is burning. The car perhaps... What has happened? Both airbags are deployed in my lap... my legs are not broken, my abdomen appears to be OK. A sharp wet pain radiates from between my legs and I realize that my coffee is spilled there, and burning the inside of my thighs. Blood, where is this blood coming from. I look out the window and see a woman screaming.

"Don't move sir, you have been in an accident."

She comes to the window, and informs me that the paramedics are on their way and I will be OK, she assures me. She then asks me if anyone else is in the car.

"Christ!"

"My daughter is in the back seat!"

I try and turn around to see her and realize that the car is wedged up against my knees to I can't spin around enough to see her.

I feel like someone is stabbing me in the shoulder.

Oh god, why aren't you crying? What have I done, oh God!

I pull myself out of the car through the broken window, placing my bleeding hand on the broken driver side window. The woman tells me not to move, I tell her I have to save my Grace.

I walk around to the side that she is on, open the door as if it where normal and find that she is in there with her eyes closed.

Burning... Smoke... I have to get her out!

I take the car seat out, and move her about ten feet away to a grassy area..

My god, what the hell just happened? Grace opens her eyes and looks at me, smiles her big bright smile. Almost as if to say, "see Daddy, I am OK"..

I look at the lady...

"Do you know what just happened to me?"

"You were in an accident. You feel asleep behind the wheel crossed over into oncoming traffic, drove off the freeway and smashed into an RV that was is parked by the side of the road going about 50 miles per hour."

"She is OK sir, the woman says... Almost convincing herself of this, and you are OK."

I drop to my knees sobbing, I put my head in graces lap...

"please Jesus, let her be OK"